Maintaining relationships with neighbors is always a delicate balance.
Some people become fast friends with their neighbors, while others might go their entire lives without ever knowing who their neighbors are.
The relationship no one wants with their neighbors, however, is an adversarial one, where our neighbors will jump on any and every reason to be mad at us.
Redditor ApplicationOpening74 kept slightly unusual hours.
Hours that differed from the original poster (OP)’s downstairs neighbor’s in his apartment building.
Eventually, this same neighbor confronted the OP about this issue, even though the OP was less than eager to oblige.
Wondering if they were being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH for not changing my lifestyle to accommodate my neighbors?”
The OP explained why they found themselves at odds with their downstairs neighbor:
“A few months ago, my fiancée (29 F[emale]) and I (29 M[ale]) bought our first apartment.”
“It took years of saving and 6 months of renovation, but we finally managed to move in at the end on January.”
“I have recently been laid off for economic reasons, and to top it off, I have trouble relaxing/lazing around during the day.”
“If the sun is out, I feel the need to do stuff.”
“As a consequence, my only real ‘relax time’ is at night, when I do not feel any internal pressure to be active.”
“You might imagine that, as an unemployed night owl, my bedtime is a little bit dephased with the rest of society and it is not rare for me to get to bed at 5am.”
“When renovating the kitchen/living area, we realized that the concrete slab rigidifying my hardwood floor had been destroyed by an old downstairs neighbor (we live on the 4th floor) to attach their ceiling directly onto my floor beams.”
“This means that there is basically no acoustic insulation between the 2 floors, and the lack of rigidity due to the slab being broken creates a lot of vibrations.”
“When we moved in, my downstairs neighbors quickly came to tell us that the noise from the floor vibrating was a big issue for them, and we started walking carefully around the house during the evening.”
“One night, I was about to go to bed at 4:30am when the neighbor comes, telling me that my moving around is basically ruining her life.”
“She can’t sleep, is getting psychological issues, just because I move around at night.”
“Of course, I say sorry, and I get a call from their landlord the next day, asking me to go and try to appease the situation.”
“Obviously I genuinely feel sorry.”
“So I go to see her, say that I do empathize, that I will make efforts to be as silent as possible, but that I can’t change my entire lifestyle to suit her sleeping schedule.”
“A few days later, her husband comes back from a trip and, having heard his wife cry repeatedly on the phone because of sleep deprivation, he comes to my door to confront me.”
“It is 10pm at that time.”
“The dude tells me I am a savage doing too much noise and, when I tell him that I already am walking as silently as I can (literally on my toes), he calls me a liar.”
“I decide to close the door to put an end to this sterile discussion, but he blocks the door with his foot and tries to force his way in!”
“Things start to heat up, my fiancée separates us, they shout at us for about 30 minutes in the hallway, and the next day I went to the police to record the incident.”
“The only way we managed to cool things down was to promise them I’d go to bed at 11 pm, which I will obviously not do, especially for someone who tried invading my home (and insulted me because of my unemployment and lifestyle).”
“I understand her plight and empathize, but I am in my home and I won’t self-impose some kind of curfew.”
“Despite the bad blood, I still make as many efforts as I can to remain silent.”
“I literally walk on my toes after 11 pm.”
“I should also say that we paid for the insulation in the kitchen area when we remodeled it, despite not being responsible for the degradation.”
“Unfortunately, our insulation does not fix the vibration issue.”
“Also, they are renters, so they can’t actually pay to fix the issue themselves, and their landlord won’t do it either.”
“Am I the AH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to change their night owl habits.
Many agreed that the OP was justified in not changing his ways just to appease his neighbor, feeling the issue stemmed from construction, and not his behavior:
“‘When renovating the kitchen/living area, we realised that the concrete slab rigidifying my hardwood floor had been destroyed by an old downstairs neighbour (we live on the 4th floor) to attach their ceiling directly onto my floor beams. This means that there is basically no acoustic isolation between the 2 floors, and the lack of rigidity due to the slab being broken creates a lot of vibrations.”
“You need to talk to a lawyer to see if the building is responsible for fixing this issue.”
“Because it sounds to me like they might be.”
“NTA.”- Riker_Omega_Three
“From what you’ve explained, the excessive noise they’re experiencing is due to THEIR unit being improperly renovated.”
“That’s not your problem, and I would be bringing that up at every opportunity- to them, their landlord, your community meetings, everything.”
“This is their problem, whether they did it themselves or it was a previous tenant, it’s their/their landlord’s responsibility to fix it.”
“In the meantime, I would at least try to maybe get some cheap area rugs and slippers to help with the noise just as a gesture of goodwill, because getting into a pissing match with your neighbors is never a good idea if it can be avoided.”
“NTA.”
“Sing to the f*cking heavens about the construction issue.”- illprobablyeditthis
“NTA.”
“In fact, I would be calling the landlord and telling them what you found about the ceiling fan and concrete slab… that landlord would have to fix it.”- Lunar-Eclipse0204
“NTA.”
“The building should fix the problem, and the husband is lucky he didn’t get arrested for trying to force his way in.”- Exact_Squash_8689
“NTA.”
“Next time their landlord calls you to go apologize to them, you should mention how he or she should fix their apartment if those two are such desirable renters.”
“If the two below you don’t like the reasonable noises (meaning you’re not playing a trumpet at 2 in the morning), then they should search for an apartment on a top floor somewhere.”-JudgeJudyScheindlin
“NTA.”
“I would talk to the landlord about the concrete slab being damaged and that it needs to be repaired so the noise would be reduced.”
“If the downstairs neighbor wants silence, they need to install that back in.”
“If you’re only walking around, that isn’t your problem.”
“If you were tap dancing or dancing in wooden clogs, I could see a problem, but being awake at night is normal.”- Just_Bz77
“NTA.”
“If the people in the unit below have an issue that their landlord won’t address, they should look for a new place to live.”
“There’s nothing you’ve done to cause the problem, and it’s their problem to resolve.”
“Either they fix their unit, their landlord fixes their unit, or they move.”
“Suggesting you don’t walk in your apartment at night is not a solution.”- Destino82
There were a few, however, who felt that the OP could have been a bit more sensitive to the amount of noise he was making late at night, even if they felt that poor construction was still probably to blame, and the behavior of the OP’s neighbor was likewise uncalled for:
“ESH.”
“My knowledge of home construction must be very limited cause this makes no sense to me, but if y’all know of the actual reason (previous construction removed a needed feature).”
“Y’all should be adults and just figure out how to fix that.”
“Are y’all not concerned about other structural damages that may be present due to the clearly faulty previous renovation?”
“I doubt a concrete slab was poured merely for acoustic convenience.”
“There’s other, cheaper, soundproofing.”
“Usually you use concrete cause you need strength, and if that’s been compromised y’all have more to worry about than sound.”- pottersquash
It seems that an ill-advised renovation is most responsible for this unnecessary conflict between the OP and his downstairs neighbor.
Leading one to agree that if the OP’s neighbor should be complaining to anyone, it’s their landlord and not the OP.
Even so, the OP might want to consider how he would feel if the tables were turned and be a bit more conscious of the noise they make.
If only to avoid another unnecessary confrontation.