When sharing a home with roommates, certain items and appliances are generally understood to be “shared.”
Even if these were purchased by one individual, certain items, such as toilet paper, paper towels, pots and pans, or salt and pepper, can be safely assumed to be for fair use.
Other things, however, roommates might be less inclined to share.
Not that that will necessarily stop their roommates from using them at their own free will.
Redditor Silly-Function-430 shared an apartment with two roommates.
Unfortunately, one of the original poster (OP)’s roommates broke one of her favorite appliances.
While the OP eventually replaced the broken appliance, it was on the condition that her roommate not use it.
A condition that the OP’s roommate found “petty”.
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to let my roommate use my expensive coffee maker after he broke my last one?”
The OP explained why her roommate found her to be “petty”:
“I (28 F[emale]) live with two roommates (both 27 F[emale]).”
“We’ve been in this apartment for about 18 months.”
“I bought a $400 Breville espresso machine last year because I’m a coffee nerd and it’s one of my few nice things.”
“Two months ago, roommate A used it without asking, didn’t clean it properly, and it broke (scale buildup + she ran it dry).”
“She said ‘sorry girl, I’ll replace it’ but never did.”
“She just kept using the cheap drip machine instead.”
“Last week she asked to use my new one again (same model).”
“I said no, because she still hasn’t replaced the last one she broke, and I don’t trust her with it.”
“She got pissed, called me selfish, and said ‘it’s just a coffee maker, we’re friends’.”
“Roommate B is now saying I’m being petty and holding a grudge over ‘a kitchen appliance’.”
“I told them both I’m not sharing expensive stuff with people who don’t respect it.”
“AITA for refusing?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was mostly in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to allow their roommate to use her espresso machine:
Everyone agreed that the espresso machine was the OP’s property, and thus it was her right to allow or forbid anyone from using it, and she wasn’t being “petty” at all, even if a few urged the OP to reconsider leaving items in the kitchen, as they may be mistaken for communal.
“NTA, tell them you’re not holding a grudge over an appliance, you’re holding a grudge over the 400 dollars she owes you and apparently has no plan to pay back.”
“It would, indeed, not be that big a deal if she had broken a 30 dollar coffee maker, but this isn’t what happened here.”- A_Classy_Ghost
“NTA.”
“‘I told them both I’m not sharing expensive stuff with people who don’t respect it’.”
“This is all that needs to be said.”- Thundernutz79
“NTA.”
“Petty would be taking them to small claims court over the original $400.”
“Keeping the peace is sucking up the $400 loss and simply not letting her use the new one.”-SDstartingOut
“NTA.”
“A friend would have paid for it.”
“And this isn’t petty in the slightest.”
“It’s completely practical.”
“She will break your things and leave you with the bill.”
“It is simple self-interest to keep her away from it.”- I_might_be_weasel
“NTA.”
“It’s not over a kitchen appliance, it’s disrespect and a debt she hasn’t repaid.”-Remarkable_Inchworm
“NTA in general, but just a heads up.”
“you can’t keep personal items in public spaces – especially bulky ones like appliances in rooms where space is at a premium like kitchens.”
“You’ll have to keep it in your room.”- ThenSociety734
“I guess NTA based on the way you tell it.”
“However, she definitely didn’t break it by using it one time.”
“Still, it’s fine if you don’t want to share, but you have to accept that your relationship is going to suffer.”
“As a final note, it would be AH behavior if you keep this rather large appliance on the shared counter full time if no one else is allowed to use it.”- tonyis
“NTA!”
“Fool me once.”
“That’s just good old wisdom.”- martintoconnell
“NTA.”
“We are friends, and friends keep their word, you said you would pay me back for breaking the last one.”
“I’ll make you a cup of coffee but no you can’t use it.”- Sweaty-Seat-8878
“NTA.”
“But will she have access to it 24/7?”
“Or is it locked up somewhere?”- MissR_R
“NTA.”
“Once the scale builds up, it just happens, and you need to clean it regularly.”
“I know because I also have the more hands-on Breville espresso machine.”
“Running it dry would burn the motor if it happens continuously.”
“Not everything is or needs to be shared.”
“And really, you can just use it in your room.”
“The only pain will be trying to empty the tray without spilling & having to leave your room for the milk, but everything else for it can stay on your desk in your room.”- TGirl26
“NTA.”
“She acts as entitled as if she was your sister.”
“Good for you putting down a boundary.”- NPC-Name
“NTA.”
“And she should be paying for what she broke.”- Dogmother123
“NTA but stupid for letting anyone use anything expensive.”
“There are certain things (coffee pot, knives, etc) no one touches.”
“Ever.”- SoyEseVato
“NTA.”
“Fool me once and all that.”
“She has proven she can’t be trusted that’s on her.”
“If you did it again, that would be on you.”- goddessofspite
“NTA.”
“Keep it locked away.”
“You break it, you pay for it.”- Lopsided_Ad2082
“NTA.”
“You would be foolish and a doormat to let her use your machine again.”
“If she made it right by going out and getting you a coffee maker say within a week that would be one thing but not only did she break your sh*t, she lied to your face.”
“She’s unreliable and selfish.”
“If roommate B thinks you’re being petty, then here’s what she needs to do: she needs to go to the bank, take out $400, and leave it on her dresser.”
“I’m not saying you should steal it but I am saying when it ends up missing, she should expect you to call her petty for asking about it.”
“Or she could give you the $400 herself.”
“The absolute gall and arrogance to suggest you should eat a $400 expense and then put yourself in the position to lose double.”- Parasamgate
“Friends reimburse friends if they damage their possessions.”
“NTA.”- Suzdg
“NTA.”
“I feel like, regardless of whether she broke it or not, those machines are expensive and break easily.”
“I’ve gone through a couple of them over the years and don’t let others use it.”
“If they want a coffee, I’ll make it, but nobody else touches my expensive sh*t.”
“That just saves me from being angry about it not being properly cleaned or taken care of, and it saves them from my wrath if something they did causes it to break.”
“I don’t let others use my things.”
“Ever!”
“If she’s angry at you, then tell her that it’s best she doesn’t use your things at all if that’s how she feels when she wrecks your stuff.”- Creamy_Breve
“NTA.”
“Those machines are expensive!”
“I have a Breville, and someone would have gotten sporked for damaging it.”- Rachel1578
“NTA.”
“Make 2 cups with your nice machine on occasion.”
“Cheap insurance against her breaking your sh*t again.”- dweebers
“NTA, if it’s just a coffee maker, she can pay you back and buy herself a new one.”
“People really love to call others selfish when they don’t get their way.”
“If you want to be mildly petty, just send her a link to a $15 mr. Coffee coffee maker.”
“I’ve had one for nearly 10 years, it’s small (great for one person and didn’t take up much space in my small apartment) and obviously lasts forever.”
“I pet sit and have seen people have the same brand and look like they’ve never cleaned it, so they definitely can take a beating.”
“I hate suggesting it because you really don’t owe her anything, but you could buy a cheap coffee maker for her.”
“I would think of it more as $15 for your peace of mind/insurance policy for your expensive machine rather than a gift to her.”
“There’s been plenty of times where I would gladly pay someone $15 to f-off lol.”-Dangerous_Cow_7372
There were a few, however, who weren’t convinced the OP’s roommate was solely responsible for breaking the machine, even if they still agreed it was well within the OP’s rights to decide who could and couldn’t use the machine:
“ESH.”
“You can totally for not letting your roommate use the machine.”
“It’s yours, you can decide who can and cannot use it.”
“But also, there is no way a single shot of espresso did what you’re claiming it did.”
“I have a Breville espresso machine.”
“They don’t just break due to scale build up and ‘running it dry’ (just pour more water in the back) after one use.”
“Sounds like it just wasn’t taken care of generally and maintenance wasn’t performed properly.”-10xKaMehaMeha
On the one hand, it’s not unreasonable to assume that something placed in the kitchen is fair game, since kitchens are usually communal areas.
That being said, it’s a bit surprising that the OP’s roommate didn’t even think about paying, or at least contributing, for the replacement machine.
Had she done that, she would have had a much stronger claim to use the machine.