Sometimes boundaries and lines in the sand are the healthiest forms of affection.
Not all family members are meant to be best friends.
Not every family member is obligated to attend big family events.
Sometimes, siblings are best as strangers.
Redditor IdealNervous5336 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for skipping my sister’s wedding after she hijacked my graduation party with her proposal?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (22 F[emale]) have never had a great relationship with my sister (24 F).”
“Growing up, she and my mom were always extremely close, and I often felt like the odd one out.”
“My mom would take my sister shopping or out to eat, and I’d usually find out afterward.”
“Sometimes I’d be stuck at an after-school activity while they went and did things together, which really strained my relationship with my sister.”
“My parents got divorced when we were in high school.”
“I ended up living with my dad while my sister lived with my mom.”
“During that time, my sister was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, but she has refused therapy or treatment.”
“Because of all this, our relationship has always been distant and sometimes tense.”
“I try to be civil, but she has a habit of making things that are supposed to be about me… about her.”
“Fast forward to this past spring.”
“I graduated from one of the top colleges in the U.S.”
“I worked incredibly hard to get there and finish, and I was really proud of that accomplishment.”
“My dad threw a graduation party for me with our aunts, uncles, cousins, and close family friends.”
“For months leading up to the party, my sister had been joking that her B[oy]F[riend] was going to propose.”
“She’d been saying it since Christmas, but nothing had happened yet.”
“Before the party, my dad actually pulled her aside and told her very clearly not to do anything like that at my graduation party.”
“He wanted the day to stay focused on my graduation.”
“Well… during the party, with our entire extended family there, her boyfriend suddenly got down on one knee and proposed.”
“At first, nobody said anything because they knew what my sister is like and were shocked.”
“But eventually people started crowding around them, taking pictures, hugging them, and talking about wedding plans.”
“Within minutes, the whole party basically stopped being about my graduation and turned into their engagement party.”
“This also isn’t the first time she’s taken over something that was supposed to be about me.”
“I ended up getting so upset that I quietly left my own graduation party and drove back to my apartment.”
“Recently, I received their wedding invitation.”
“After thinking about it, I RSVP’d no.”
“I’m still really upset about what happened, and I don’t want to show up to her wedding feeling angry and resentful.”
“That feels unfair to her and could ruin the day.”
“I don’t want to cause a scene or bring negativity to her wedding.”
“When she found out I wasn’t coming, she got furious and called our dad, trying to get him to convince me to go.”
“In this call, she admitted to telling her boyfriend to propose during my graduation party.”
“My dad told her I’m an adult and he isn’t going to force me to attend something I’m uncomfortable with.”
“Now she’s telling family members I’m being petty and trying to punish her for being happy.”
“From my perspective, I’m just trying to set a boundary after 22 years of feeling like she gets to take over anything important to me.”
“Some family members think I should just go to ‘keep the peace.'”
“So now I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Go to the wedding and announce you’re pregnant.” ~ Severe_Feedback_2590
“Wear a wedding dress and announce you’re pregnant with the groom’s baby.” ~ Embarrassed_Cow2441
“This is a horrible idea about saying it is the groom’s baby.”
“In the end, it will make you look bad to everyone when they find out you lied and at the moment that you slept with your sister’s fiancé.”
“I’m not against a lie, but that is crossing the line.”
“I like others’ suggestion, get a friend and have them fake propose to you instead.”
“At least with that, you can say it was just a goof.”
“I also would not invite her to your own wedding.” ~ 18k_gold
“Have the friend fake propose and turn him down because trying to make your sister’s moment about you is tacky as f**k, and you couldn’t marry someone who treats your family so terribly.”
“Then the friend leaves in tears.” ~ MildGenevaSuggestion
“Instead of telling an outright lie to start drama, she should wear a close-to-white dress or a red one.”
“The white would be outright disrespectful, but the red is diabolical as it signifies you may have slept with the groom (even though you have not, I assume).”
“Ask the groom if he knew that you did not want your party to turn into an engagement party.”
“Dad ought to send him (and your sister/mom) a bill for ruining your party. NTA.”
“Take a trip for her wedding day as a do-over for her ruining your party.”
“If you can’t get the cost of your graduating party back from them, then whatever your dad would have put into her wedding should go to you so you can spend the day posting pictures from wherever you end up going during her ceremony.” ~ ConfectionExtra7869
“OP should just make a toast and announce that her wedding gift is a niece.”
“And take out an ultrasound to show to her family.” ~ NirgalFromMars
“NTA. ‘That feels unfair to her and could ruin the day.'”
“Wishful thinking on your part.”
“She couldn’t care less, though of course she will tell everyone who will listen how hurt she is by your supposed cruelty.”
“‘Keep the peace?’ You’re not threatening to disrupt the wedding, just staying away.”
“Your sister is the one who’s disrupting the peace by turning other family members against you and encouraging them to manipulate you into going.”
“Don’t fall for it.”
“Kudos to your dad!” ~ ReadMeDrMemory
“OP, you’re not mad enough at the remaining family members.”
“None of them said it was inappropriate.”
“No one told him to stop being a cheap skate and actually organise something for her.”
“And everyone just went with the change.”
“This is what I can’t stand.”
“Groups just swinging towards the new shiny thing offered.” ~ Mera1506
“This will blow over; your friends and extended family won’t remember anything about it in the future.”
“But I think you will regret not standing your ground with your sister.”
“After what she did to you, it seems like you won’t have a relationship in the future, but you can at least keep your pride and not compromise it for other people’s sake.” ~ —Agrajag—
“Given that this will absolutely be a lifelong battle with her sister, refusing to attend will set a precedent, I think will come in handy.”
“OP is letting it be known that if her sister pulls shit like that, there will be repercussions.”
“OP, I say take yourself out to do something just for yourself on her wedding day.”
“Make it a lovely memory for you… and anytime family tries to make you feel guilty, tell them your sister has made it very clear that she doesn’t care or support you at all, so you are not going to pretend things are good.”
“She went out of her way to do what she did.”
“She orchestrated it.”
“That was malicious – why would you want to ever be around someone who cares so little about you that they would do that?”
“If your family argues back… tell them you are no longer going to talk about your sister and tell them to call back when they have something else to talk to you about. Hang up.”
“To be brutally honest, it’s entirely possible they want you to stay in yoursisters orbit so you take on some of the burden of it.”
“Now, without you, they have to be the ones that have their own sh*t f**ked by her selfishness.”
“That is a them problem.”
“Do what is best for you, since apparently so few people in your family are concerned about that.” ~ JustAsICanBeSoCruel
“NTA. Also, family and friends don’t get to weigh in.”
“Go ahead and stick to your boundaries.”
“Your dad can also stop anyone from voicing their opinions to him.”
“Congratulations on your graduation!!” ~ Alwayshaveanopinion1
“NTA. All people proposing on either people’s party deserve a special place in hell.”
“A proposal in a public space is always terrible, in my opinion, it should always be done in private, leaving the woman space to decline.”
“With people around, there is too much pressure to comfortably say no.” ~ NODsBlackHand
“NTA. Consider going no contact.”
“Sounds like she contributes nothing meaningful or positive to your life.” ~ Wonderful-Pen1044
“NTA. I’d be completely N[o] C[ontact] with her.”
“Does her fiancé know that she orchestrated the proposal against your wishes and against your dad’s instructions?”
“Does he know why you’re not going to the wedding (not just because of this one incident)?”
“If not, please let him know the truth, because your sister is obviously a liar.” ~ Doggedart
“NTA. Do not go.”
“Don’t do it.”
“There is no winning with this kind of person.”
“There is only minimizing their impact on you.” ~ Aggravating_Baker557
Reddit is 1000% with you, OP.
Your sister’s behavior is outrageous.
You need to protect your own sanity and feelings.
You do what is best for YOU!
Stay strong and carry on.