Apartment living can bring one major drawback—neighbors.
If you’re blessed with good neighbors, it can be an advantage, but sharing walls can lead to disputes that often don’t happen in free-standing homes.
A noise complaint for a neighbor across the way generally means they’re being really loud. A noise complaint when you share walls or floors could mean poor insulation and no other noise dampeners. In that situation, flushing the toilet seems overly noisy.
A woman turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback over her neighbors’ noise complaints about her normal life functions.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Notyourtypicalsw asked:
“AITAH for refusing to share my homemade bread with a neighbor who complained about the noise of making it?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (26, female) am incredibly passionate about baking sourdough bread. Recently, I took it a step further and invested in a home grain mill so I can mill my own flour.”
“It makes a massive difference in the quality of the bread, but the mill is a bit loud. Because I live in an apartment, I try to be mindful of the noise. I only use it for a few minutes at a time, usually right in the middle of the afternoon, never early in the morning or late at night.”
“A few weeks ago, my older neighbor knocked on my door to complain about the grinding noise coming from my place. I apologized, explained what it was, and assured her I only run it for about five to ten minutes at most.”
“To smooth things over, I even brought her a freshly baked loaf of sourdough the next day. She told me they enjoyed it afterwards and thanked me for it.”
“Since then, this neighbor has started casually knocking on my door whenever she smells bread baking, asking if I have any spares. I usually don’t mind sharing, so I’ve given her two more loaves over the past month.”
“Yesterday, I was milling grain at 2:00 PM on a Saturday. My neighbor knocked again, but this time she was furious.”
“She told me the noise was incredibly disruptive and asked me to stop doing it entirely. I told her that milling is part of my process to make the bread, and I wouldn’t stop, but reiterated that it only lasts a few minutes during the day.”
“She then asked if I was baking today.”
“When I told her I was, I also mentioned that since she still complains about the mill sounds after knowing what they help to create, I won’t bother giving her any more of the product from those sounds, the bread.”
“She is now telling other people in our building that I’m petty and unneighborly, and is threatening to complain to our landlord about the noise.”
“My significant other thinks I should have just given her a loaf to keep the peace, but I shouldn’t have to reward someone for complaining about a reasonable daytime activity.”
“AITAH?”
The OP later added:
“I’m planning on moving in late June. I was worried about having her complain to my landlord, but she is indeed causing issues as well. I will definitely draft an email to send to him later today.”
“I have a Nutrimill Classic, and it can get pretty noisy since it uses actual stones. It’s fast and efficient, though, unlike the KitchenAid attachment I used to use.”
“Unfortunately, my kitchen is on the wall connecting our apartments and running the mill elsewhere in the apartment isn’t really feasible. Perhaps I could look at getting sound-dampening wall boards to put up where the mill is, but I don’t think that will accomplish much.”
“There is no noise ordinance attached to the building agreement, outside of the basic sleeping hours, but I always overanalyze and worry too much about the small things.”
“A friend is saying I’m worried over nothing, but I still wanted advice on how to handle the situation, and if there were truly any ways my neighbor could come at me for the noise.”
“My significant other has definitely called me a bread queen in the past since I send him to his job with extra loafs we couldn’t eat! I definitely might start giving some loaves away to other tenants instead!”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO – more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was doing nothing wrong (NTA).
“You did give her a loaf to keep the peace. Not your fault, she broke the peace treaty.
“NTA, but if you WANT to be petty, then let all your other neighbors know you make fresh home-baked bread and would love to give them a sample, and if they love it, they can purchase more loaves in the future for a minimal price.”
“Become the bread Queen of the apartment. Make a profit from selling to everyone and working that mill for hours each day just to annoy her.” ~ StockAdhesiveness351
“If the mill is unacceptable, the bread it produces should be too.” ~ Brilliant_Lime_3680
“NTA. She can not demand the bread while attacking the process.” ~ Weary-Home710
“I used to grind my own wheat flour, too. The grinders are VERY loud; like ‘wear hearing protection and leave the room’ loud. Unless you’ve heard one yourself, you can’t imagine how loud. Not saying who’s right/wrong, but just offering more information.” ~ joeinsyracuse
“Like ShopVac loud. Seriously, we are talking hearing protection kind of loud. But five or 10 minutes once a week is not a big deal, and doesn’t entitle the neighbor to bread every time.” ~ _throwaway_825999
“Tell her, ‘Well as it is so noisy i think it is only best i limit the amount of time i use it. Which sadly means i only have enough flour for personal consumption’.”
“I mean yeah it is noisy and not great but it you are doing it once a week or once a fortnight it is no more than using a drill or something. I would get a db meter and see how noisy it is just in case of a complaint.” ~ Exotic-Rooster4427
“Sound complaints, while vary from community to community, I’ve never seen one that can be made from only 10 minutes of noise!”
“The neighbor just wants bread, and I’d honestly flat out say that to anyone who brings up her complaints to you. Or you could get ahead of it and complain that she keeps knocking on your door asking for bread!” ~ tiredgirl77
“Especially 10 minutes of noise in the middle of the afternoon! At 5 am or 2 am or 11 pm, I get how 10 minutes of something really noisy can be disruptive, if it’s loud enough to wake someone up. That’s also why apartment buildings or even cities often have rules/noise ordinances that specify time.”
“It sounds like OP’s neighbor just shouldn’t be living in an apartment building, because this kind of comes with the territory.” ~ No-Stress-7034
“Honestly it’s Saturday 2pm. Nobody gets to complain about noise at all. If I have to drill a hole I’m drilling a hole. That’s apartment life.”
“If my mill is too loud (honestly can’t imagine how loud it can really be), so be it. It is absolutely not reasonable to not mill at 2pm on a Saturday. That’s literally the peak time to be noisy.” ~ Cr4ckshooter
“This is like a more aggressive version of the story of The Little Red Hen.”
“NTA for not giving her bread anymore but I do wonder if there’s anything you can do to lessen the sound of the mill. Where does this neighbor live in relation to you?” ~ Particular_Title42
“Your neighbor is blackmailing you by complaining about the noise and then sticking her hand out for your freshly baked bread. Ignore her. No one is going to bother you for ten minutes of noise at 2:00 PM.” ~ DJ1952
“OP should stop answering their door at this point for the neighbor. She only b*tches, expects a handout from the labor of the noise she hates so much, or both.”
“None of the above is acceptable. No more answering the door for cranky bits. Hope OP makes bread for themselves and whoever they choose to share it with…ya know….the people that would actually show appreciation.”
“Fresh bread from a neighbor is amazing, and cranky pants don’t deserve any. NO BREAD FOR YOU!” ~ Murky_Tale_1603
“Unless there is a noise ordinance or agreement for the building, and as long as the other neighbors aren’t complaining, you do not have much to worry about.”
“Let the old biddy complain. She can put on noise-canceling headphones, put in earplugs, go out for a ten-minute walk, or just wait ten minutes.”
“I am going to assume the mill is not any louder than a blender or bean grinder, and it is acceptable to presume people will use kitchen appliances during the day. She can go f*ck herself since she is looking for a reason to be a miserable a**hat.”
“Mill your grain. Bake your bread. Share with other neighbors. Let Gladys Kravitz learn to cope with the world not revolving around her. NTA.” ~ Wide-Speaker-7384
They say caring is sharing, but OP no longer cares to share with their grouchy neighbor.
No bread for her!