We’ve all seen a joke that didn’t land, but sometimes it can land you in an HR meeting.
Some people need to learn what is appropriate workplace humor…
And what’s not.
Redditor throwaway_51029 found themselves in a personal dilemma regarding their co-worker’s idea of a joke, so they turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
They asked:
“AITAH for saying my co-worker’s joke was racist and upsetting her?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I work in an E[mergeny] R[oom].”
“In addition to my regular shifts, I do a lot of the education for the new grad/new hire nurses.”
“I’m generally pretty easy-going and try to be fun and engaging.”
“I’m also half asian, and I think pretty visibly so.”
“A few weeks ago, one of the new nurses on N[ight] S[hift] (NS, late 30s/early 40s F[emale] so a little older than most of the new grad nurses) came up to me to tell me a ‘funny story’ about her daughter and an allergic reaction.”
“I have a severe peanut allergy, so everyone takes this as a reason to tell me about their experience with allergies.”
“So NS tells me how her teenage daughter is only allergic to cats and went to a chain Americanized Chinese place, ate orange chicken, and had an allergic reaction.”
“She’s laughing and saying how this is proof that the place uses cat meat.”
“I’m honestly offended, but kinda gray rock and logic it, saying that cat allergies stem from fur and saliva, so even if it was cat meat, she would be unlikely to react.”
“I also pointed out the general unlikelihood of a very Americanized Chinese restaurant serving cat meat.”
“I said most likely she has developed a new allergy, as is common in teens, and needs to go get allergy testing done.”
“NS seems disappointed by my lack of laughing and goes off to head home.”
“A couple of days ago, NS again came up to me and started off with, ‘I don’t need logical you, I need fun you.'”
“She proceeded to tell me that she took her daughter to the restaurant again, ordered the same thing, had another reaction, and that it just HAS to be cat meat.”
“At this point, I get pretty annoyed, ask her if she does realize that I’m Asian, and say the trope of Asians eating cat and dog is offensive and kinda racist.”
“She looked mortified and ran off, but another nurse told me later she was crying and saying she wasn’t racist and I was mean.”
“The other nurse told me NS is really sensitive, maybe hadn’t heard the trope, and just meant a fast food place was serving cat meat, and that I was harsh in making her cry.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, AITA? Was I too harsh?”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
“NTA and honestly, the audacity of ‘I don’t need logical you, I need fun you’ is wild.”
“She literally told you to turn off your brain and validate her racist joke.”
“You declined.”
“She cried.”
“That’s a ‘her’ problem, not a ‘you’ problem.” ~ L0wFi-HIGH5
“Yeah, that’s a clear situation of a Karen Karenning her way into pretend-victimhood.”
“She’s also weaponizing her tears.”
“NTA, OP.”
“Beyond your tired state and her manufactured and unnecessary drama, I would honestly question the ethics and moral compass of a nurse and mother who purposely put her child’s life in danger in order to test some irrational misunderstanding of the principle of cat allergy.”
“Is she really the kind of healthcare provider/support you can trust with other people’s children?”
“Other people of color’s children…”
“Maybe center this conversation instead of whatever reason she invents for why she’s being persistently racist.”
“And make it a point to insist that in your medical professional environment, it is everyone’s responsibility to not engage in medical disinformation as a ‘joke.'” ~ Lena_Lena_A
“NTA. I am a new grad, and at one of my clinical rotations, there was a Thai truck that came by, and one of the nurses made the comment that the food was made from cats.”
“That absolutely blew my mind, like to say that not only at work but in front of students you know nothing about!”
“I have put my foot in my mouth before (not in a clinical setting, and it wasn’t racist, but it was crass) and have had someone be like ‘fluffymittens you can’t say something like that’ and the correct response is to be MORTIFIED AND APOLOGIZE.”
“When you put your foot in your mouth, you apologize.”
“You don’t double down.” ~ fluffymittens24
“If NS is going to work in an ER, she’d better toughen up.”
“She’s liable to run into much worse from patients and patients’ families: comments, if not physical attacks.”
“If she doesn’t know the trope, then she learned it.”
“I suggest you have a talk with her, explain you didn’t mean to hurt her feelings, but you have feelings too and don’t like racist-adjacent jokes.” ~ Forestpilgrim
“If she doesn’t know the trope… of course she knows it.”
“The joke couldn’t work without it.”
“If it really happened and she didn’t know the trope, the obvious explanation would be that they have a cat in the kitchen because they have mice.”
“Her joke was racist, and the nurse knows it.”
“There is nothing more to discuss.” ~ Couette-Couette
“NTA. Go to HR.”
“Casual racism IS racism.”
“As someone with Asian ancestry, it’s a horrible stereotype.”
“Your co-worker SHOULD be mortified.”
“But seriously, go to HR.” ~ MistressJacklynHyde
“Not only is she racist, she apparently took her own child back to a restaurant where she had an allergic reaction and got her to eat the same food, causing – shock, horror – ANOTHER allergic reaction, all so she could double-down on her unfunny racist joke.”
“When, instead, she could have used that time actually to get her daughter tested for unknown allergies.”
“And this woman is a NURSE!” ~ BurdenedMind79
“Report her to HR today before she’s able to report you for ‘bullying’ her by calling her out on her racism. “
“NTA, but do NOT let her get ahead of you on this, stay ahead of her and report it not only to HR but your supervisor and charge nurse.” ~ mountain_mists
“NTA. Report her a**.”
“She should not be allowed anywhere near patients.”
“She’s crying because you called her out on her racism.”
“By the way, I’m an old white broad, and I am offended by her story.”
“I am 70 years old and have lived and worked all over the country.”
“EVERYBODY knows that racist trope.”
“They are lying if they say otherwise.” ~ Specific_Anxiety_343
“NTA, she told a racist joke twice. It wasn’t a misunderstanding; you gave her an out and met it with logic.”
“She could have dropped it.”
“Instead, she brought it back and tried again.”
“This is HR worthy, and now she’s trying to weaponize her tears and make a hostile work environment for you.” ~ riceballartist
“NTA. I’m also Asian, and I am just tired of this normal racism.”
“Too bad she was crying because that is what she gets, and maybe next time she will think before running her damn mouth.” ~ Competitive_Fee_5829
“NTA at all.”
“This woman is working in a public-facing job where she will encounter people of all races and backgrounds, and she has no business telling ‘jokes’ like this, period.”
“And if she’s so sensitive that she cries when being pretty gently corrected, she might be in the wrong profession.”
“Also, let me pile on with those saying to let HR know.”
“If she does something like this with a patient or a patient’s family, she’s putting the hospital in trouble.” ~ Historical-Cloud-268
“NTA. If she’s never heard that trope before, then everyone should be glad she’s learned about it now, so she can stop leaning into it.”
“Her being sensitive is her issue (I say, as a sensitive person) to handle, and it does not preclude her from learning how better to interact with the professionals and fellow human beings she works with every day.”
“Seriously, though.”
“Why did she tell you about this story, of all people, when she should be talking to the restaurant for a list of ingredients, and then an allergist?”
“It sounds like she also suffers from ‘it’s funny because it’s only theoretical for me’ syndrome and she needs to grow up.” ~ Coolbasketbro
“NTA. She’s a racist.”
“And so it is your other coworker for defending her.”
“It’s not even plausible that she hasn’t heard that particular trope because people aren’t out there saying all fast food restaurants serve cat meat.” ~ crazybicatlady86
“NTA. It’s a racist joke (and a non-funny one at that), and it’s wild to think you could lob that at someone of the heritage you’re insulting.”
“Don’t shed a tear over her tears, hopefully she learned a valuable lesson on how not to be a di**head.” ~ ArtlessOne
“NTA. Did she really not understand it was racist?!”
“She’s a nurse, so she should know cat allergies are from the fur/dandruff/saliva.”
“So the joke isn’t funny on multiple levels.”
“It’s stupid and racist.”
“She’s lucky you just told her to her face how stupid the joke is and didn’t go to HR to tell them.” ~ oldtimehawkey
OP came back to chat…
“I was also at the tail end of fighting off viral plague with my whole family, and while I wasn’t sick.”
“I was underslept and a bit grumpy about that fact.”
“I also have RBF if I’m not consciously making a different face, so I may have come off a little extra mean?”
“I dunno.”
“NS is white.”
“My Asian half is not Chinese, but I don’t know how many people know my exact mix.”
Reddit is with you, OP.
There is a lot to unpack here,
Some people should just stay quiet, especially in a professional capacity.
Good Luck.