There is nothing quite like an overzealous grandparent who wants to “create memories” with their grandchildren.
But more grandparents need to learn that, in their quest for the perfect photos to frame and to post on Facebook, they might be forcing inauthentic memories on their grandkids, not to mention causing tension with their adult children and adult children-in-law, pointed out the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor sunscreen-cobbler grew up with Disneyland while his wife grew up with Disney World, so it made sense for them to involve the respective grandparents at the respective parks with their three young children.
But when his wife’s parents found out that their grandchildren would go to his parents’ park first, the Original Poster (OP) was caught in the middle of an entitled battle of wits, not core memories.
He asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting by considering changing or canceling plans because of my in-laws’ Disneyland ultimatum?”
The OP and his wife’s families did not come together into “one big, happy family.”
“Please let me know whether you agree that this is a crazy ultimatum that I find myself in the middle of with my in-laws.”
“My spouse (30 Female) and I (29Â Male) have been married for seven years, and we have three kids, all of whom are under the age of five and all of whom have never been to a Disney park.”
“I also want to note that my parents and my in-laws are not very friendly; they get along well enough, but I would not say they’re close.”
The OP and his wife both had wonderful childhood memories of Disney parks.
“I grew up on the West Coast and spent a ton of time at Disneyland growing up.”
“My wife grew up on the East Coast and has many great memories of Disney World.”
“We both have dear childhood memories at those separate parks.”
“We have serious plans to go to Disney World in a couple of years with my in-laws. Dates have been confirmed and everything.”
“That’s their special park, and my in-laws want to share that memory with my kids, so they will join us for that trip.”
“I am all aboard for this. My parents also will not be present for this trip because that place is special for my wife’s side of the family, while my family has Disneyland instead.”
Despite having plans for Disney World locked in, the OP’s in-laws found coming in second unacceptable.
“Now, here is the issue/situation: my family of five will be in Southern California this summer, vacationing on the beach with my side of the family.”
“My mom wants to take the kids to Disneyland while we are there and pay for the whole day.”
“When my wife and in-laws got word of this, they were angry. My wife’s parents said that if we decide to do this with my parents, then my in-laws plan to fly across the country to California to be there.”
“They are that dead-set on being there for the kids’ first time experiencing Disney.”
“As I prefaced, my parents and my in-laws are not friendly with each other. If the above event happened, it would almost certainly be taken by my parents as intruding on a special day and core memory.”
The OP saw nothing but trouble coming from this trip.
“Because of all of this, I am seriously looking into LegoLand instead to avoid this entire mess.”
“I believe it is completely petty of my in-laws to put this ultimatum out there.”
“I have been to both parks, and I believe the two can be very separate core memories for my kids. They would be at totally different parks AND with different people!”
“But it seems my hand is being forced to not let them experience Disneyland until after, and only after, they have been to Disney World with my in-laws.”
“I am curious whether I am overreacting? Thanks for honest feedback.”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some were disgusted that the OP’s in-laws were making the trip about themselves instead of the children.
“Remind your WIFE and your IN-LAWS that this has STOPPED being about the kids AT ALL.”
“It’s about their egos. And that isn’t good enough for anyone’s kids.”
“NOR. You are, in fact, underreacting. You need to sit down with your WIFE and get HER on the same page with you. If she can’t get on the same page with you about this, then the in-laws’ trip HAS to be cancelled. Full stop.”
“Using kids like that is repugnant.” – Used_Clock_4627
“NOR. This vacay is for the adults (the more entitled adults), not the kids. People need to reset their priorities.” – somethingmcbob
“This isn’t about them. They had their kids, and these are yours…”
“I love my in-laws, but they also get a little overinvolved in joining our events sometimes. At least they listened when we set boundaries.”
“NOR. Set the boundary now, OP. Your kids deserve it. If your wife doesn’t like it, then you also have a wife problem, not just an in-laws problem.” – Crochet_Corgi
“I swear to all the gods, if these grandparents do not grow up and start acting like adults and respecting the arrangements they originally agreed on, ESPECIALLY IN FRONT OF THE KIDS, I would threaten them with a new plan:”
“You will pool ALL of the money you were saving for the Disneyland AND Disney World trip, you will book a trip for just you, your wife, and your children, NOOOO grandparents allowed, and you will give your children their first Disney experience either in Paris or Tokyo.”
“Signed, a Very Petty but Loving Auntie.” – Accomplished-Ice7874
“1. They are your kids, not your in-laws kids or your parents kids. YOURS.”
“2. First, last, always: this trip is for the kids. Not them, not their egos.”
“3. Remind your parents and your in-laws that Disneyland and Disney World are two completely different experiences. These trips are for the kids!”
“4. The in-laws and your parents do not have to like each other, but in front of the kids, and while with the kids, they will behave like proper adults. If they cannot do this, then you’re turning the car around, and everybody’s going home.”
“5. If any of the aforementioned Terms and Conditions are not satisfactory to any of the parties, they can stay home, or the OP, his wife, and his kids, ONLY, can go to LegoLand.” – Yggdrssil0018
Others pointed out that it wasn’t really the right time for Disneyland anyway if the family’s goal was lasting, core memories.
“Honestly, a trip with three kids under the age of five is not going to be fun for anyone.”
“It’s way too much stimulation, most of the day is spent in lines, you have to constantly take one kid or another to the bathroom, and there’s a high probability that they will freak out when they see their favorite characters in person, instead of wanting to hug them.”
“Not to mention the fact that… they’ll remember little to any of this trip. But YOU will remember, and it will stress you out that much more as you prepare for your next trip when they’re older.”
“Ask me how I know all this, LOL.” – Purple_Midnight_Yak
“They are too young/small for some of the best rides, so you pay full admission and only get on half the attractions.”
“Disney with kids, especially now that it is so expensive, is absolutely not worth it until they are tall/old enough to get on (and enjoy) all of the attractions and, no offense meant at all, have the staying power to last all day walking, standing, in the crowds, and in the probable heat.” – queen_surly
“I will also say, if your kids go to Disneyland AFTER Disney World, they will be disappointed. There are so many more things to do at the Florida location.”
“When all the grandparents are acting right, and you think your three kids are old enough to enjoy the experience, I suggest going to Disneyland with your folks, and then make plans to go see your wife’s folks for Disney World however long after that.”
“For now, enjoy memories with just your wife and children at LegoLand. The grandparents need a timeout, the lot of them.” – ljgyver
“We took our kids to Disney World for the first time at ages four and five. They had fun, but remember almost nothing. We got cute pics, though.”
“We went back when they were eight and nine, and they got so much more out of it. My favorite trip with them was when they were young teens.”
“I would never tell someone not to take young children to Disney, but those trips are absolutely for the parents and other adults. I would let go of this concern on everyone’s part about core memories.” – daisydawg2020
“Both sets of grandparents are at fault. The in-laws made plans for a couple of years from now, when the kids would be at a better age for Disney World.”
“Then OP’s parents get wind of that, so now they have to get a Disneyland trip in right now, so it happens BEFORE the other grandparents get to take them.”
“So then, the in-laws get p**sed and say they’re coming on the California trip, TOO, because they WILL NOT be one-upped.”
“All the grandparents seem to care about is getting there first. With who? I don’t know; they all seem to have forgotten the children exist and only remember that they hate each other.”
“Tell both sets of grandparents that you will be taking your own kids to a Disney park of your choosing when you are ready, and the trip will be for your immediate family only.”
“Stop letting them turn this into a competition. None of it is about them. It’s about YOUR kids. They made Disney memories with their own kids. You should do the same.”
“Side note: I did a family trip to Disneyland with my parents and my sister’s family before I had kids. It was h**l. My mom made it absolutely miserable. I’ve gone to Disney World with my husband and kids twice.”
“I would never take my kids’ grandparents with us again, and I promise, it’s not fun. It’s like a p**sing contest for grandparents to see how many brag-worthy photos they can get to post on Facebook.” – jahubb062
It’s understandable that all of the grandparents are eager to create meaningful memories with their grandchildren, and that they’re even excited to see their grandchildren walk through the same parks their kids walked through when they were young.
But worrying about which park will be visited first is a petty concern, and the trip to the Magical Kingdom was becoming something much more about egos and bragging rights than three children’s core memories.