Dinner parties can tend to be a mixed blessing.
While it’s always a nice occasion to get together with friends and family and catch up, you are not always sure what will be served.
Should the food be something you normally wouldn’t eat or don’t like, the polite thing to do is put on a brave face and stomach it as best you can.
Some people, however, always have a safety net of sorts for situations like this.
Redditor True_Marionberry732 was recently invited to dinner at their sister-in-law’s (SIL).
Upon learning what was being served, the original poster (OP) asked their SIL if they could bring their “safe food.”
Something the OP’s SIL firmly objected to, as the OP’s safe food didn’t meet with their SIL’s dietary restrictions.
Resulting in the OP choosing to skip the dinner party entirely.
Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for wanting to bring meat to my vegetarian SIL and not going when I was not allowed too?”
The OP explained what ultimately led them to skip their SIL’s upcoming dinner party:
“I have ARFID; there are a lot of textures/flavors of food that will make me physically sick if I put them in my mouth.”
“It has been an issue for as long as I can remember.”
“My main safe food is plain beef and rice.”
“Usually, for an event, I just bring my own safe food, and no one has any problems with it.”
“My brother has recently gotten married to Jenna, and she is a vegetarian.”
“She invited the whole family to come over for dinner and not to worry about bringing anything.”
“I texted her to ask what was going to be made, and it is nothing I could eat.”
“She was going to make eggplant Parmesan and pasta.”
“I told her that I wouldn’t be able to eat that ( she knows I have AFRID) and I can just bring my beef and rice.”
“She told me absolutely not, and I should just eat what she serves.”
“I told her I literally can’t, and she said I was just being picky.”
“I decided not to go, and I told her that.”
“I was upset, so I told my mom about it, and it spread to the rest of the family from there.”
“Multiple people are refusing to go to dinner.”
“Jenna is upset (I haven’t talked to her tho she did call once) and my brother is telling me I can bring my beef and rice, but I am still refusing to go.”
“It’s more the principle of the whole thing at this point.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to whether or not they felt the OP was the a**hole for skipping their SIL’s dinner party.
Many agreed that the OP’s SIL knew about the OP’s food sensitivity, and thus should have been more sensitive and allowed the OP to bring their food, even if it did contain meat:
“I’ve been a vegetarian for a long time.”
“I don’t really want meat in my home.”
“But I’ve made exceptions when necessary to accommodate a guest.”
“Anyone with a dietary restriction should be more sensitive to others’ food issues.”
“NTA.”- Gigafive
“She’s treating this like someone who doesn’t believe in allergies treats allergies.”
“She doesn’t believe you have a REAL medical condition, therefore, you’re just picky.”
“NTA.”- Junior-Equipment-895
“Although NTA, I wonder what she would have said if you asked to bring something vegetarian to eat?”
“I am vegan and prefer people not to eat meat in my home.”
“However, with someone in your circumstances, I would not object at all.”- anotherangryperson
“NTA.”
“It’s fair that, as a vegetarian, she doesn’t want to invite meat into her house.”
“It’s equally fair that you would not go to dinner if you can’t eat said dinner.”
“What is not fair is her calling you picky and telling you to ‘eat it anyway’.”
“It would be one thing if she talked your other safe foods over with you, looking for compromises, and you two ultimately decided you visiting for dinner wasn’t a good fit, but she was rude and infantizing.”- grimmglitter
“NTA.”
“It’s an invitation, not a subpoena.”- AgonistPhD
There were others, however, who had trouble sympathizing with the OP, feeling that AFRID was a condition that could be treated and possibly cured, and felt that they could have brought a “safe food” that didn’t include meat in it:
“My brother-in-law has arfid, which is an eating disorder, not a medical condition.”
“He just had a heart attack at 35 because of his terrible eating behavior.”
“ARFID is something to be treated, not a disease other people should have to dance around.”
“Ultimately, as with all eating disorders, it’s self-harm that needs to be addressed, not a permanent condition to accommodate.”
“So, YTA for not addressing your own personal health issues, and instead demanding everyone around you just accept that you don’t get treatment.”- TheDude-Esquire
“ESH but YTA.”
“You absolutely should be able to bring safe food, and her comment about being picky is out of line.”
“However, you said your main safe food is beef and rice, not that it’s your only safe food.”
“Do you have other safe foods you could bring that are vegetarian-friendly?”
“If you do and you’re insisting on bringing beef and rice to a vegetarian’s house, then YTA.”
“That said, everyone’s right.”
“You got your way, they reached out, there’s no principle here to uphold.”
“Now you’re just being petulant.”- External_Scientist_9
“YTA.”
“As you have ARFID, you understand severe food aversions.”
“Why don’t you understand that vegetarians are revolted by meat?”
“If you need to bring your own food, just bring the rice.”- maccrogenoff
While a few didn’t think either the OP or their SIL came off looking particularly good:
“ESH.”
“Sorry, but ARFID is stupid.”
“It’s real, but it’s stupid.”
“Having self-awareness is realising it’s perceived as silly and that people will react badly.”
“I had a friend with Tourette’s, and I think what has helped her succeed in life is having a good sense of humour and understanding that people’s reactions are more about their own stuff than hers.”
“Yelling ‘piss’ loudly is a lot.”
“She gets that.”
“She doesn’t get outraged by people’s responses.”
“Once people get to know her, they realise they were likely total a-holes off the bat.”
“She would be a very lonely person if she never forgave people for bad initial reactions to her condition.”
“Instead, she has a family and has a full social life.”
“I also had a serious head injury, which gave me lifelong anosmia, and I also got a lot of flak about it.”
“Family pushing about why I don’t eat things I used to, and the direct, inappropriate questions about the natural weight loss, rude comments about it being in my head, etc.”
“If you become so rigid and unforgiving about common reactions, all you do is isolate yourself.”
“Get over yourself.”
“Not everything is a personal attack, sometimes it’s just plain ignorance.”
“People are flawed.”
“People don’t do well with what they don’t understand, and are always going to think you are being picky initially, and your answer is what?”
“To shut everyone out and sulk about it?”
“Give everyone one single chance to respond well?”
“Your SIL has learned a lesson, the family has taken your side, just bring your beef and rice and let it go.”
“If you become so tied to your victim complex, you end up lacking the very empathy you expect of others.”
“See past your own perspective, and try to find some humour and grace in this situation.”
“Not for your SIL, but yourself.”- Beautiful-Party-4415
The OP later returned with two updates, first sharing that they might reconsider attending the party on one condition…
“I am going to talk to my SIL.”
“I will go if it includes an apology; if it doesn’t, I am not going.”
Then sharing what transpired in that situation.
“I am not going.”
“I talked to her, and she apologized and told me I can bring my food (that was fine) and then told me she would still like me to try her food.”
“I told her I can’t again, and she said I just needed to try more food.”
“She’s acting like I am being picky.”
“I can’t f*cking eat it without throwing up.”
“I’m not f*cking going.”
“I don’t want to be in the company of someone who thinks I made some sh*t up and is called picky for a medical issue.”
“I don’t, I have lived my whole life dealing with people thinking I am just being a pain in the a**.”
“So yeah, I don’t want to go to dinner with someone who called my medical issue me being picky.”
“Everyone asks, I usually eat different types of beef dishes. meatloaf, meatballs, meat pies, and so on.”
“Rice is also good, but I need to eat it with something, not alone.”
AFRID is an unenviable condition to have, to say the least.
And the OP’s SIL might want to consider which would be worse, the OP eating food they brought to her dinner party, even if it did contain meat, or the OP throwing up after eating the food she prepared herself.